Sunday, April 1, 2012

The Final Four

I realize that Sunday mornings are for long runs.  I get it, alright?  Everybody's on the same page here with the Sub-15 thing.  Thing is, Steve's out of town and the long run partner that I planned on meeting up with today sent me this text message at 6:30 this morning:

Currently on [Syracuse street name] in some girls [sic] bed...rain check to next week on Green Lakes?

This came after I had woken up at 4:45 am (@#$%ing 4:45!!!) to take Natalie to the airport.  Now, I'm not averse to a few obstacles, but, between the limo duty, the long run bail, and the cat's incessant meowing for double breakfast, this morning was ridiculous!  Long run, you can wait until the afternoon.  On the other hand, this lazy morning has just become the perfect time for a Sub-15 Psychosis Update!  YES!

Last night I went to some friends' house to watch Game of Thrones the Final Four basketball games.  As I read Game of Thrones on the couch (I just finished book four, "A Prize for Patsies"), my mind wandered to Sub-15 Psychosis, and how complicated it was/is.  I really apologize for that, but I thank those most avid followers for bearing with me.

Actually, I'm not sorry at all.  Truth be told, only one person submitted a bracket with any shred of rationality attached to it.  The rest of you dimwits clearly didn't read the directions or thought that it was more likely that we'd PR in the Beer Mile three times in two weeks than it was that Kentucky eventually wins the NCAA title.  (That, or you picked Syracuse.)

Regardless of what happens from here on out, we've got the bracket winner figured out, I think.  We'll be announcing that person in the next week.  As for the most popular episode, ladies and gentleman, I give you the Final Four in the form of characters from the HBO hit series Game of Thrones:

 Kentucky (Joffrey Baratheon) vs. Jason Mintz (Sansa Stark)

Kentucky:  Kentucky is the team that everybody loves to hate.  Much like the loathesome little shit Prince Joffrey, many of their players were borne out of an incestuous love-affair between twins.  Strangely enough, Joffrey is also related to Keith Van Horn through his cuckold father King Robert.  Van Horn was a key piece in a 1997 trade executed by the New Jersey Nets, who at the time were coached by none other than--you guessed it--John Calipari.

Jason Mintz:  Jason is likewise very similar to Sansa Stark.  In the book, Sansa is a maiden unflowered (like Jason) and she's obsessed with fancy songs about knights and princesses past (like Jason).  Sansa wants soooo badly to win the favor of the queen that you just want to shake her sometimes and be like, "Hey Sansa!  Wake up!  This isn't a @#$*ing faerie tale; this is the mother @#$%ing Game of Thrones.  Let's get that moon blood flowing and get your head in the game!"

You see, there's a quote that amply sums up the whole series:  "In the game of thrones, you win or you die."  You sort of find yourself routing for Sansa to die.  We don't feel that way about Jason at all, though.

Our take:  This matchup will come down to whether or not Tyrion Lannister shows up to keep his vile nephew Joffrey in check as he tries to physically assault the lovely but annoying Sansa Stark.  Rebounding will also play into it, probably.

Ohio State Kansas (Petyr Baelish) vs. Sam Hartpence (Theon Greyjoy)


Ohio State:  Kansas: Steve and I probably dislike Ohio State Kansas more than we dislike Kentucky, so from a basketball perspective, we're OK with an a OSU Kansas loss.  I can't think of any way that Ohio State Kansas is like Petyr Baelish other than the fact that this is what I was feeling after they beat Syracuse. [Huh?]

Sam Hartpence:  What can we say about Sam Hartpence other than that he's an ambitious young lad from the Iron Isles who was constantly scorned by his ward Eddard Stark despite growing up with Stark's sons from a very young age?  Sam's episode is still riding number one on the charts, believe it or not, by a mere five views over Jason's.  I still think most of the credit goes to his son, though.

Our take:  Both Ohio State Kansas and Sam Hartpence started out as minor characters in the scheme of Game of Thrones our blog, but have developed into an integral part of its history.  First of all, we really hate the fact that OSU ousted our beloved Syracuse Orange from the tournament.  Things would have been TOTALLY different if SU were still alive.  (We probably would have broken 15 by now and be living our lives with increased sexual vigor.)  As far as Sam Harpence is concerned, what started out as another submission from a guy we didn't know has turned into a bunch of "likes" for all of our crappy videos on facebook.  Life-changing stuff.  We went so far as to create a new honorary role for him, actually:   Sub-15 Ambassador to the Midwestern United States.

Who knows who's taking this game?  It'll probably come down to whether or not Theon Greyjoy looks less like a peri-pubescent version of Willow and more like a major lord before season two.

[Editor's note:  Obviously, this Final Four made no sense originally since Kansas won their game against Ohio State in real life.  I have no excuse for substituting Ohio State in there, especially given the Elite Eight that was constructed for the contest.  Let's just pretend I wrote Kansas instead of Ohio State (which is what I meant to do but was tired or something) and move on with our lives.]


  1. that's classic stuff right there!

  2. Credit to where it's due...Alden did make my video submision. Quick question though. I know you have complicated formulas establishing winners, does that mean that the video views are normalized? I anticipate that Jason will be a hell of an opponent, and may need to make sure where on the same playing field. Since his video has been on air for a few months longer than mine, I propose that we battle it out as viewing rates (views/week on line).


  3. Not looking good for Kansas or Jason Mintz (or Ohio State).

  4. The fact that we got one page view as a result of a Google search for "petyr baelish" made it all worth it.